Grief as a Gateway: Honoring Loss, Welcoming Growth

Grief is often seen as a shadow we try to outrun—something reserved for the loss of a loved one or a tragic moment that brings life to a halt. But grief is far more intricate and far more present than we often realize.

Grief can arrive softly, disguised as change.

It can be the ache we feel when we leave behind a job that no longer serves us, even if the next step feels exciting. It can be the quiet sadness of moving homes, cities, or identities—even for something better.
It can also rise up when our health shifts—when the body no longer moves, feels, or functions the way it once did. A diagnosis. A flare-up. The quiet loss of vitality. We may not always name it as grief, but it is.
It can show up in moments we don’t label as loss: aging, shifting roles in relationships, children growing older, dreams deferred. In our fast-paced world, these quieter forms of grief often go unnoticed or unspoken. But they still live in our bodies. They still deserve space.

The Grief of This Season

Over the past year, I’ve walked through my own layered season of grief. Some losses were profound and undeniable—like saying goodbye to my grandfather and to my first dog of 13 years, my companion through countless life chapters. Others came with shock and fear, like learning my father had been diagnosed with stage 3 cancer.

And then there was the grief that came dressed as joy.

My husband and I transitioned out of military life and moved to a new state, a new home—one filled with promise, but also disruption. Renovations, relocations, uncertainty. And amidst it all, I began building something deeply meaningful: Libellula Integrative Care. A vision taking flight. A rebirth. But even in birth, there is a letting go—of old identities, of familiar rhythms, of the self I used to be.

This is the paradox of grief: it is not always tragic. Sometimes it is tender. Sometimes it is necessary. Sometimes it precedes transformation.

Why We Need to Make Space for Grief

In modern life, we aren’t taught how to grieve. We’re taught to bounce back. Push forward. Stay positive. But grief isn’t a problem to fix—it’s a process to move through. And without honoring it, it stays with us. Unfelt. Unhealed. Undigested.

Grief is a sacred emotional metabolizer. When we give it space, it reshapes us into something softer, wiser, more alive.

How to Recognize Grief

Grief doesn’t always announce itself. Sometimes it shows up quietly—through tension in the body, irritability, or a lingering sense that something’s missing. You might not feel sad in the traditional sense. You might just feel… off.

You may be grieving if:

• You find yourself longing for how things used to be

• You’re more tired than usual, even with rest

• Joy feels distant, muted, or hard to access

• A recent change—good or hard—left you feeling unsettled or emotionally heavy

• You feel like you’re living in the gap between who you were and who you are now

  
  

Grief often speaks in subtle ways. Learning to listen is an act of self-compassion. You don’t need to justify it or explain it away. If something inside you is aching to be witnessed, that’s reason enough.

What Grief Does to the Body

Grief is not just emotional—it’s biological.

When grief is unprocessed, the nervous system can remain in a heightened state of stress. This ongoing activation of the fight-or-flight response can make it harder to rest, think clearly, or feel fully present. You might feel tired but wired, emotionally numb, or like there’s an unease you can’t fully name. Over time, this chronic state can wear on the body—affecting sleep, immunity, and even the heart (Harvard Health Publishing, 2019).

But when we allow grief to move through us, something begins to shift. The breath slows. Muscles release. The nervous system starts to settle, reminding the body it is safe again. This is when healing begins—not just in our hearts, but in our whole being. Grief, when honored, can become a doorway to restoration—physically, emotionally, and spiritually.

How to Grieve—Gently, Daily

There is no checklist, no perfect way to grieve. But here are a few ways I’ve found helpful:

• Name it. Simply acknowledging, “This is grief,” can be a powerful act of self-honoring.

• Create ritual. Light a candle. Write a letter to what you’re letting go. Walk a familiar path and speak to what’s missing.

• Feel without fixing. Allow yourself to cry, to feel heavy, to be quiet. Emotions don’t need to be solved—they need to be witnessed.

• Share your story. Speak to someone who can hold space without judgment. Sometimes the deepest healing comes from being seen.

• Rest. Grief is exhausting. It’s okay to pull back, cancel plans, or go slower than usual.

• Incorporate mindfulness practices. Try journaling, nature walks, or simply sitting in stillness. Creative outlets like painting, pottery, or playing music can also offer a mindful way to process and express what words cannot.

• Let it transform you. Ask yourself: What is this grief inviting me to see, feel, or become?

  
  

A Call to Vulnerability

We heal in relationship. When we open up about our grief—not just the headline moments, but the subtle ones too—we give others permission to do the same. We soften the collective edges of our culture’s discomfort with emotion. We begin to belong to each other more deeply.

So if you’re grieving—anything, anyone, any part of yourself—you’re not broken. You’re becoming. And that becoming deserves time, tenderness, and love.

Let’s make space for the sacred process of letting go and the quiet miracle of what comes next.

Want to go deeper?

At Libellula Integrative Care, we hold space for healing in all its forms. Whether you’re navigating a quiet grief, a major transition, or simply yearning to feel more whole—we’re here to support you.

Explore our services or schedule a consultation to begin your healing journey, in your own time and on your own terms. Schedule Your Consultation

Reference

Harvard Health Publishing. (2019, January 4). Grieving? Don’t overlook potential side effects. Harvard Health Blog. https://www.health.harvard.edu/blog/grieving-dont-overlook-potential-side-effects-2019010415722